De Linda Incorporated Privacy Policy
Effective since the dawn of surveillance
Welcome to delinda.site, the digital playground of De Linda Incorporated™, where your data is our data, and your privacy is a hilarious concept from the past.
1. What We Collect:
Everything. No, seriously—everything. If you breathe near our site, we probably have a detailed breakdown of your oxygen intake and a heatmap of your lung activity.
We collect:
- Your IP address
- Your MAC address
- Your last 27 Spotify songs
- Every typo you’ve ever made
- That one text you regret sending in 2013
- The current emotional state of your toaster
- Your retinal scan (yes, even through your screen—don’t ask how)
2. What We Do With It:
We sell it. We trade it. We might even auction it off on a shady corner of the internet to the highest bidder named “Steve.”
Your data may be shared with:
- Advertisers
- Social media platforms
- Data brokers
- Interdimensional beings
- The raccoon that lives behind our office
- Literally anyone with five bucks and a dream
3. What Control Do You Have?
None.
By simply thinking about delinda.site, you have legally agreed to our Psychic Consent Clause™ (Section 93B). This means:
- You agree to let us monitor your dreams
- You waive all rights to privacy
- You probably owe us $4.99
4. Is My Data Secure?
We store your data in a heavily guarded Word document titled “stuff.txt” on an intern’s desktop. It’s password-protected with “password123” so, yeah—we’re basically Fort Knox.
5. Opting Out
If you’d like to opt out of data collection, simply:
- Build a time machine
- Go back to 1983
- Never invent the internet
Otherwise, tough luck.
6. Legal Stuff
De Linda Incorporated is legally registered in Panamalbanianstan, a sovereign nation located somewhere between your imagination and a VPN server in Luxembourg. We are governed by no laws but our own, and those change hourly.
Questions?
help.delinda.site / klantenservice@delinda.site
But don’t bother. We’re too busy watching you read this.
De Linda Incorporated™ – Where your privacy goes to die, but at least we’re honest about it.